You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
