a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize