Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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