The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
