my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
