is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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