I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
