I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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