its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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