you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
