I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
