God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
