I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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