he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
