he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
