Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
