hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
