A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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