The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Ketchup is God's man juice
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You pole danced in your parka.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
