wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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