If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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