did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
