best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
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She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
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Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
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