Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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