I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Couch. On fire.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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