Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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