i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
