and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
