like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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