after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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