barbara walters just said penis...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
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