I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
