3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
