i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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