How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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