Who wears a wallet chain?!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
