If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
