Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize