I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I wish there were birth control emojis
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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