if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
