im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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