Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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