I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
