There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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