some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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