they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
