Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
