if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
