my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
