Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
