it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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