He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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