I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
