You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
if i died would you start the facebook group?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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