Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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