Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Congratulations! We have a period
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
