glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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