How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
