her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
