Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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