Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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