laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
