Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
