I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
