He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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