if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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