I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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