2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
