I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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