What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
