omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
